Some things I didn't know...

I was walking through Walmart last week and found myself in the school supply section looking at all of the deals. Stuff is so cheap right now! Part of my being there was learned behavior, part is a mysterious magnetic pull of new colored pencils and markers and crayons alongside new bottles of glue and glue sticks. And don't get me started on composition books...

I was walking through a department store the other day, passed the men's section and for a split second began to go through my ongoing mental checklist of "what does he need replaced" T-shirts, underwear, dress shirts, slacks, socks, ties, a belt, shoes? It's hard to turn that off.

I didn't know that not needing to buy anything could be so costly.

I gathered up the laundry that needed washed Monday evening and had several partial loads. I ended up combining three and washing them on cold water clean. I couldn't justify four separate loads for myself.

With having family live with me the last two years I am used to getting up and having a few dishes to load in the dishwasher. Deborah and her family are gone, visiting other family and friends this week. The counter and sink and tables are empty every morning.

I didn't know that having less to clean could be taxing.

There were times when the kids were young that Bill would come home from work, spend the evening with us and after we put the kids to bed he would go back to work. I wanted him home, with me. At first, I resented it. I pouted. I even threw a tantrum (or maybe two). 

But he had to do what he needed to do to get his work done. I needed to learn to find useful (or at least not harmful) things to fill my evenings while I waited for him to return. And I did. And I was less dependent on him because of it. 

I didn't know getting used to him being gone would be helpful.

My parents taught me that if you tried something and it didn't work, to try it a different way so I was not afraid to attempt new projects. Sometimes it was a good thing, sometimes I found myself in over my head.

My history, combined with Bill's work schedule, led me to be the "handyman" in our family. I acquired some basic home maintenance skills. Again, I occasionally found myself feeling in over my head, but I learned who would answer my questions or bail me out if I truly was sinking.

I didn't know how valuable that would be. 

It keeps me from feeling helpless and vulnerable now.

I didn't know a lot of things.

Still a lot of things I don't know.

But there are some valuable things I do know.

I know that God does not make mistakes.

I know that God will provided what I need, when I need it.

I know that God is faithful and true

I know that everything He has promised, He will do.

I know that nothing comes my way that surprises Him.

Not. One. Thing.

He can and will use hard things to grow me up in Him.

The money I don't have to spend on what was once necessities can be used in ministry. 

or at the beach :)

The time I save not needing to clean can be used to pray or to serve.

or to rest and day dream

The things I learned to do to pass time alone keep me busy now.

and give some comfort because they are familiar

The skills I developed taking care of our home give me confidence to stay here. Maybe by myself in the future.

and to plan changes and improvements 

There are things that enter my life that are out of my control.

I cannot avoid them.

I cannot change them.

Sometimes I can fix "it".

Sometimes I have to learn to live with "it".

However, whatever "it" is, I am responsible for me! 

My actions, 

my reactions, 

my attitudes, 

my choices are all mine to answer for. 

So every day I pray.

Every day I read the Bible.

Every day I ask God to teach me what I need to know.

Every day I thank Him for giving me what I need.

And every day I get out of bed and practice what I do know.

It isn't easy. Some days are easier, but it definitely is not easy.

In my experience most things worth having or doing don't come easy.