beach life lessons

perspective and attitude are two very powerful things
as we gathered shells last night 
I heard a lot of "look at how beautiful grandma!"
one granddaughter is where I was 
one granddaughter is where I am
the search for whole, unbroken shells, particularly a spiral, drives one
the search for color and texture, whole shell or not, motivates the other

it's funny how things work sometimes
the one who saw beauty, 
regardless of condition, 
found a tiny, whole, perfect white spiral shell
(I may be a little jealous)
the one searching for a perfect spiral found a perfect "leopard" shell
(I again, may be a little jealous)

watching them was like watching the morphing of my journey
from the endless search for the perfect shell, (life)
the disappointment of someone else finding one and me not
the tremendous temptation to give up trying to find the perfect one
to the unbridled joy of seeing beauty in brokenness (life)
the spontaneous excitement of appreciating small "bits" 
the contentment of simply being able to walk and collect 

a lot of lessons can be learned at the beach

as we walked collecting shells last night

I was reminded of my last trip to the beach

I watched almost everyone else get in the ocean

we bought a net and the older ones waded out, away from the shore

and found some beautiful shells

Andrew found a whole conch shell and a full sand dollar

I thought about how sometimes you have to go deeper to find what you want

this morning the girls and I were ready earlier than mama & papa 

the three of us headed down to the pool

normally I sit and watch them swim

but I am tired of choosing to be a bystander

so I got in the water with them

and I floated, and I swam

and I liked it

somewhere along this journey of life

I forgot how refreshing being in over your head can be

jumping in with both feet-I am not there yet, but will get there

I became afraid to be seen for who I am

I began to settle for less than what I desired

because I wasn't willing to be vulnerable to others and honest with myself

I started worrying about what others might think of me

when I got home from the beach in January I had some regrets

some memories I wish I had made

this beach trip I realize if I want to fully enjoy it 

I must choose to fully experience it

which includes putting on a bathing suit

taking off the cover-up and not comparing myself with anyone else

and later today I'll be knee deep in the ocean with a net hunting shells

this beach trip I find myself going deeper 

honestly, sometimes I am afraid,

but I like what's happening