I forgot

I went to bed weary
exhausted
discouraged
wondering what I was doing wrong
what I needed to change so I could "get on" with healing
rather than continue on what feels like a slippery slide backward
on this journey of learning to live a life very different from one I pictured

I awoke with an "aha" moment-
in the hustle and bustle
and because it has been a while
I forgot
there is an ebb and flow in grief
I am not doing anything "wrong"
I don't need to change anything 

it has been a crazy busy spring and summer
Deborah being here is wonderful
but it is the first time their family has been back
and I am going through stuff with them 
that the rest of us have faced repeatedly because we live here
there are many big days and anniversaries for us in this season
and the end of August is fast approaching

I have a friend who closely walks this road of grief with me
I received a text from her this morning
"I feel fragile today"
as soon as I read it two things crossed my mind-
"Amen! Me too girl, me too"
and "Fragile does not mean weak-it means extra care is needed"
we both need to be gentle with ourselves and just be who and where we are

it is a relief to know there is nothing wrong 
I have been here before 
and lived to tell about it
this is simply an ebb,
a flow will come again 
and the struggle leads to strength
it's part of the journey

in these two songs there are 
parts I say "amen" to 
parts that don't apply
parts that challenge me
parts that resonate with me