it isn't You, it's me

...“Be still, and know that I am God..."

Psalm 46:10

"Be still"
all day those two small words have been whispered in my ear
they have played tag with the other thoughts racing in my mind
and I have tried to practice them 
or thought I had 
until I sit here with my computer in the wee hours of the morning
and share my heart once again

after an honest evaluation of my day
I have to say that at best
I only flirted with that idea 
because I was anything but still
running unneccesary errands 
searching in stores for "things" 
wasting precious time

in retrospect I can see that I was chasing after the wind,
actually I was trying to outrun the wind- 
the one that has been driving the stormy emotional battles
that have lurked and raged, 
by turn,for the last few weeks
this morning, when the house was full, I discreetly told Ruth 
that in some ways I feel like I am going backward on this grief journey

"And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 

Mark 4:37-39

today I missed a golden opportunity
to take my storm torn self to Jesus and allow Him to address the winds
He is fully aware of what is going on, there is no need to waken Him

tonight I remedy that

..."Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."

Psalm 37:7