silence has a sound

silence fills my home this evening, 
but it isn't quiet
the house makes noises I never noticed when it was full
the wood popping in the stove sounds different
the fans of the H/A unit circulating the air whoosh on and off
the refrigerator hums
the keys of the computer click loudly as I type

conversations play through my head
portions of songs make their way through
memories speak, sometimes whispering, sometimes shouting
random thoughts rattle
plans get formulated and discarded

dreams begin
adjustments are made
joy is savored
tears are shed when necessary
hope is fueled

this is the time
this is the place
I look deeper
I discover more about who I am 
and who I only think I am 

silence 
it isn't always quiet
it isn't bad, as some are prone to think
it definitely doesn't have to be empty
it can eat you alive,
or it can fill you up, 
it depends on what you do with it

"Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!"

Psalm 139:23