Happy Birthday

today is Bill's birthday 

I would have made him a strawberry cake with strawberry frosting

or German Chocolate with coconut/pecan icing

I would have bought Breyer's butter pecan ice cream for German Chocolate  

or a big tub of neapolitan to go with a strawberry cake

I would have spent hours finding the perfect gift for him

we probably would have shared lunch "out" with a few people

and more than likely we would have grilled burgers and hot dogs for supper 

joined by the kids and grand kids who live close 

last year I avoided doing anything other than surviving this date

all I really wanted  

was to skip the date 

remove the date from the calendar

or curl up in a hole and pretend the day wasn't happening

I think I ran away from home 

early this month I thought about trying to get the kids together

because Bill's life certainly is worth celebrating 

I think it was a God thing that I didn't follow through with that thought

I missed a phone call Monday morning

my phone was on silent

I listened to the voicemail in the afternoon as soon as I saw I had one

and I spent a few hours wrestling with God

questioning if my gut response was a correct decision

and mulling over what my response to her should be

I was mentally preparing to return the phone call,

expressing my regret that I would not be able to do what she'd asked,

when she called again a little after 6

she was totally unaware 

that she called on my dad's birthday

to ask me to come to her home on Bill's birthday

and share a devotional thought with her church's ladies circle

I'd spent the afternoon thinking of excuses:

it's been an exhausting last three and a half months

three days is not long enough to prepare adequately

I just got back from camp 

and the clincher is that it's Bill's birthday

as soon as I heard her voice I knew I would be sitting on her porch tonight

Why? 

because I made a promise years ago to God

I would not go looking for opportunities to speak,

but if He opened a door for me to share about Him

I would walk through it

this wouldn't be the first time I didn't know how that would work out,

and it probably won't be the last,

and it certainly was not going to be the first time I broke that promise

I had no idea, 

as Monday came to a close,

how in the world I would be ready by Thursday

Tuesday morning I spent my usual time plus some, alone with God

I asked Him to make it perfectly clear what He wanted me to share

I left my room praying and listening 

and before lunchtime came 

I knew exactly what I should share

and how I would do it

I don't know if they celebrate birthdays in heaven or not

I do know that on earth we are still celebrating Bill's life

and I am confident that sharing God's love with fellow believers

is a perfect way to celebrate Bill's birthday

but I am not going to lie to you and say it will be easy

there were tears running down my face as I began to write this post

and as I go do some porch sitting and heart sharing this evening 

I plan to walk in the assurance that accompanies faith

I also plan to have Kleenex with me because tears happen

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. 

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you 

to give the reason for the hope that you have." 

1 Peter 3:15

"For we are God’s handiwork, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do." 

Ephesians 2:10